Lately, I’ve found that I spend my days holding my breath.
You see, in addition to three teenagers (The Bigs), we have an almost-two-year-old. Daily, it seems, she completes all 26 miles of a marathon in the four downstairs rooms of our humble Horine Manor.
She knows only one speed: RUN.
The thing is, the folly of her speed is magnified by her lack of that coordination that comes from trial and error over the span of many years.
Her head still seems too large for her body. She never downshifts around corners. She plays a perfect Godzilla-baby to blocks and books and toys. And the poor felines, I am now convinced, wonder if we truly ‘rescued’ them from the shelter.
At least once every hour, I find myself placing a kiss in the palm of her tiny hand.
“Put it where you need it,” I tell her.
With her bottom lip all pooched out, she rubs in the kiss.
“Hurt here,” she says and touches her head, a wrist, a knee. Then, she streaks off again at the speed of RUN.
I suck in air and hold it. Al I want to do is set up a little speed bump so she’ll be more aware, more cautious, more likely to slow down and see what is coming up. She desperately needs to know who and what the important things are.
In her rush, she is prone to lose her balance. If I could but lend her some coordination, maybe there wouldn’t be so many ouchies and bruises and tears. If only she would just stop being so recklessly independent and see that I’m standing right there, my hand outstretched, ready to transfer some grace for her movements.
Pretty much like what God tries to do for me.
I exhale and slow down.
Moving from Big-Girl-RUN to Deliberate-WALK is difficult. It is only when I allow God to change my pace that I realize I’ve been running my own marathon, tottering around at break-neck speed, my head — and my heart — full of my race.
And, it is only when I allow God to set my stride that I get a real sense of His balance.
What was once a blur becomes clear. I see that my feet have crashed into all the blocks and books and toys around my house that are supposed to be the instruments and the outcomes of my service to my family.
Perhaps the worst of all, when I am recklessly speeding forward, I am in danger of taking out another tottering child of God.
Perhaps almost-two-year-olds aren’t the only ones in need of balance.
Therefore, do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows you need all these things. But seek first the Kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matthew 6:31-34 NKJV
Oh God, I need your kingdom balance; your vision to help me see who and what is important. Place a kiss in the palm of your righteous right hand and put it right where I need it. Help me find joy and peace in Your pace alone. And all these things, add unto me, for Your race, not mine.