Senior Moment

 

                You know that saying that goes, “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”? Well, today, I proved that saying to be true.

                Not just proved it, though. I mean, I rocked it out so hard I just won a six-foot-tall, First Place In The Universe Trophy.

                Let me explain.

                Several years ago, my Meme and my mom were headed downtown. (This was before my Meme’s Alzheimer’s  got so bad that even her poor little heart forgot how to beat right.) Mom was driving; Meme was in the passenger seat.

                Deep from within the labyrinthine recesses of Meme’s purse came the jangle of her cell phone. For at least a full thirty seconds, there was a mad scramble and her body demonstrated the visual aide for the word ‘rummage’. Then, she heaved a sigh and put her behemoth purse back on the floorboard.

                In the stillness — the continued ring of her cell phone.

                Mom gripped the steering wheel, kept one eye on the road and used the other eye to glance at Meme, a visual acrobatic move she perfected when my brother and I were little.

                “Momma, your phone,” she said.

                Meme fluttered her hands up and down. “Can’t find it. Must have left the darn thing at home.”

                The cell phone continued to ring.

                Now, fast forward several years, to present day, sitting at my kitchen table, on a snow day.

                Me: [ Scrolling on my iPhone, reading my email. The keyword here is email. It’s the only explanation I accept. Read on, you’ll understand by and by.]

                Hanson: These papers don’t say if there is weight lifting on snow days.

                Me: [Half-reading an email] Text your coach.

                Hanson: Can I use your phone?

                Me: [Still half-engrossed in the email, although I do look up and scan the counter] Honey, I don’t have a clue where my phone is.

                Hanson: [Looks down at the table in front of me. Looks at my hand.] It’s right in front of you. You’re using it.

                Me: [Stop reading email.] Oh.

                Hanson: Hey mom, is this, like, a Senior Moment?

                Me: [Stunned. Stuck somewhere between laughing so hard that tears roll down my face … and genuine tears of immense sorrow.]

                Now, where in the world am I going to put that trophy?

 

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